December 28, 2009

The Pros and Cons of Fat Princess

Pro:  In its default settings, it is just about impossible to lose to the CPU.

Con:  The name.  Fat?  Come on.

Pro:  Style points.  Having a semi-droning British voice announce "We're being ganked!" is priceless.

Con:  The credits.  Playability throughout and giant chickens are cool; the "theme song" is Baby's Got Back, which is not something you want your (e.g.) four-year-old singing.

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September 26, 2008

The Mother of All JACK-isms

93.1 JACK-FM no longer wishes to be called a radio station.  We're applying for a commercial banking license in hopes of a bailout.

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September 18, 2008


It worked. One more excuse down the drain. At least the plumbing's clear.

For my next trick, I will see if I can integrate the MacBook as well as this lurvely desktop. That's a trick, a project, a distraction.

So, for my next non-trick, I will throw out a brief JACK-ism, and then write something about that anniversary a few days back.

Speaking of, geez, today's the 10th anniversary of my mother getting her driver's license. Way to go, Mom!

JACK this morning hurt my head (I know, you all feel so bad for me) by playing Metallica -- Enter Sandman -- followed by Lipps Inc.

Yes, Funkytown. What, you think Stars on '45 gets airplay?

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June 18, 2007


When I moved to Southern California lo these many years ago, one of the (many, many) things that I loved about the area was the plethora of radio station options.  This, after all, is the land of KROQ.  We have Smooth Jazz, and regular ol' jazz (and blues); we have alternative and adult alternative; we have classical, country, top 40, hip-hop, Mexican and even easy listening.  We also, like any other market anywhere, have classic rock.

Back in the day, I had examples of most of these on my radio presets in my home tuner and in whatever car I happened to own.  I would flip through them by mood or to avoid commercial breaks.  Granted, I usually did my own DJing with the help of CD changers and then iPod, but the problem with those is that once you've heard all those songs...well, you find yourself reaching for the 'skip' button way too often.

My favorite classic rock station was on 93.1 FM; "Arrow 93" they called it, and I didn't know the call letters 'cause ARRO wasn't the call sign even though it was the slogan (All Rock-n-Roll Oldies).  I typically had the radio on for my morning commute, and typically had it on another station 'cause I liked their morning show.  But what I liked about Arrow 93 was that they had no morning show -- they played music, and being oldies it was usually music I knew and liked.  If I was tired of the morning show or they were on hiatus or something, I had an alternative without trying to figure out some other morning show's schtick.

Imagine my surprise when it was gone.  My outrage, even; what the hell is this replacing it?  Fortunately, I gave it a listen.  Gone was Arrow 93, sure, but in its place was JACK FM.  93.1 had a new format -- We Play What We Want.  I was surprised or possibly baffled that What They Want was often to be found on my iPod as well.

This no-format station also has no DJ.  They have two on-air personalities, to be sure; Tami Heide is in a way both of them.  She was on KROQ from before I moved here until 2004, and her next radio gig was plugging the erstwhile Jack-tivities for 93.1.  Their other personality is "the voice of JACK-FM", Howard Cogan, who is promo for the various stations across Canada and the USA.  Ms. Heide and Kent Voss (from Crank Yankers) write the liners that are put in Jack's voice, one of which is the reason I currently know the station's call letters:

Putting the 'BS' in KCBS-FM.

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June 15, 2007

Blatantly Stolen from "Overheard in New York" (6)

Mom: Are you okay in there, sweetie?
Little girl in stall: I can't button my pants.
Mom: It's alright. Just come on out.
Little girl in stall: And I pooped on the floor.

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Blatantly Stolen From "Overheard in New York" (5)

Bus driver on intercom as it starts to rain: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey... C'mon, everybody!
Entire bus, singing: You'll never know, dear, how much I love you -- please don't take my sunshine away.
Chick: I think that was the least-New York moment of my entire life.

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June 07, 2007

Blatantly Stolen From "Overheard in New York" (4)

Chick #1: What's that? 'Smegma'? That's not a word.
Guy #1: Of course it's a word.
Chick #1: Bullshit. What does it mean?
Guy #1: Haven't you ever heard of dick cheese?
Chick #1: Get the fuck out of here.
Chick #2: It's crud that grows under men's foreskins.
Guy #2: You must date all Jewish guys.
Chick #2: Or Muslims.
Chick #1: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Guy #1: Don't you inspect a cock before you put it in your mouth?
Chick #1: I don't put cocks in my mouth.
Guy #2: Which explains why she's here playing Scrabble on a Saturday night.
Guy #1: You don't give blow jobs? Honestly?
Chick #1: No.
Guy #2: Why not? You're an attractive adult woman.
Chick #1: I think it's gross.
Guy #1: Maybe she tried it once and the guy had smegma.
Chick #2, taking hand of Chick #1: Come with me and I'll explain. [They leave the room, and Chick #2 comes back alone minutes later] Let's go. She doesn't feel like playing any more.
Guy #2: First no blow jobs, now no Scrabble. She's really painting herself into a corner.
Guy #1: Before we get lost in all these other issues, I get 42 points for 'smegma.'

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Blatantly Stolen From "Overheard in New York" (3)

Brunette using computer: Have you ever posed naked?
Blonde: Yeah, my ex-boyfriend posted a video of me on the net.
Brunette: Really? What's the URL?
Blonde: Animal boinks dot com*.
Brunette, finding site: Now what?
Blonde: Click 'Tami*.'
Brunette: Oh my god! Is that you?
Blonde: Yeah.
Brunette: You're fucking a dog!
Blonde: My ex-boyfriend begged me for months to do that.
Brunette: I like man dick. I even like pussy... How could you fuck a dog, you sick bitch?
Blonde: Fuck you! At least I'm not a lesbian!
Brunette: At least I stick to my own species!
Blonde: Dyke!
Brunette: Sick bitch! You fuck pigs and horses, too?
Blonde: No, just dogs. It was my ex-boyfriend's idea. And at least I'm not a lesbian.
Brunette: At least I'm not on the net with a pooch eating my cooch!
Chinese nerd-boy at next computer: This is the best conversation I ever heard in my life!

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Blatantly Stolen From "Overheard in New York" (2)

Student: If child predators really wanted to find information about a kid, they don't even need to use MySpace. All they'd have to do is go to the local public library and open last year's elementary school year book...
Professor: Or they could just drive by a school and pick some kid up. You know, the old fashioned way.

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Blatantly Stolen From "Overheard in New York" (1)

12-year-old skater kid: Dad, is there such a thing as a friendly kiss?
Dad: I will neither confirm nor deny the veracity of that statement at this time.
12-year-old skater kid: What a nerd. Mom?
Mom: Depends where it was, honey.
12-year-old skater kid, into cell: Dude, where did she kiss you?

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